I don't have any fucking friends. And here we are, living with Kyle's beloved Keith. WHAT THE FUCK IT's so fucking awkward all the fucking time, I'm just a third wheel, I hate fucking living here, Kyle yells at me all the time, I'm miserable all the time, what the fuck is wrong with me, GO AWAY KEITH JESUS CHRIST

So just when things look up.... they look right back down. Thanks, life. right back at'cha. No one is out there for me. I think I'm one day just gonna drown in life. It's going to suck me up, and I can finally just say fuck it, and go to bed.

What else is there for me?

What a fat little slob I am. Found Kyle's newest vampire site. Why? I want to ask everyone except him. Why? Where does this kind of shit come from? To lie to random strangers, about a life you don't really lead... is it I that is making your life so awful, that you cannot stand yourself? Should I remove myself? Should I look for that big tidal wave, and relieve myself from you?
What would anyone else do....what would you do?

I don't keep shit from you. You even know about my awful eating disorder, how it consumes me every day and all day. But something as simple as "I like vampires"... is it because you want to be a vampire?

Thanks for saying it'd be okay if I got mad if you went to a furry site. It acknowledges that you wronged me. That two years ago, you shattered my heart into a million tiny pieces. Fat little annoying Para.

Sometimes I wish I was someone else. Fuck, every day I want to be someone else. Someone who's got something. God damn. I hate living with Keith, I hate having to listen + see him day after day after day. I hate how indecisive he is towards his soon to be ex wife. I guess, I hate Keith. whups. But wait! I have to pretend to be perfect. So let me put my pretend face on. There we go.

That's what makes my life so fucking fantastic.

Seriously, what am I looking forward to? Why am I trying so hard? I don't have bipolar syndrome, and don't tell me you like to go to anynomous people to get your kicks. What the FUCK is so wrong with me?

Must be a devil between us.

If I died, this would be so much easier. No more pain, no more unexpected surprises. No more hurt. I mean, why just wait until some horrible disease takes me over? I can't even control what the fuck I eat, so why I can't I control whether I chose to be in this life?
I go through this every fucking day.

I wish I could just have one of those moments where I just forget everything, start anew, with a brand new life, happy ever after with so much optimism and success. But I can't. Every time I try, something bigger than I knocks me back down. Some FUCKING THING BRINGS ME DOWN. EVERY TIME. I think.... I don't want to think anymore.

So tired of these chains.